Seeking God

My husband and I have been in Bolivia, South America for less than a month and already I have learned a great deal from the Lord.
Before, I have struggled with women’s rolls in the ministry, mainly the roll of wives, and mostly me. I became almost obsessed with finding ways not to waste myself. I began to seek things, anything that seemed useful but nothing ever worked out. I read stories of other women and how they had accomplished great things for God's Glory and I prayed that somehow I could be used in the same ways. I was discouraged and felt useless to the Lord.
But since we have started on this journey, first by traveling to various churches raising money to come to Bolivia, and second by coming here, the Lord has been teaching me a great deal. He has taught me not only how to serve Him as a woman but He has also shown me how many women view other women who serve Him.
I have learned that just because my life doesn’t mirror that of other great women it doesn’t mean that I am not fulfilling God’s plan for me. I am just exactly what He created me to be, me.
As women I believe we also tend to be intimated by others who are being used greatly by the Lord. We shy away from them or tell them how sorry we are for their sacrifice or even comment on how we could never do what they do. But I believe every woman, if she truly seeks God’s Will for herself, can accomplish anything no matter how much sacrifice it may involve and even find great joy in the midst of it.
I have come to respect the roll of a Godly wife. Her ministry to her family is not looked upon as smaller or greater in God’s eyes, for if we follow His plan for us we are all equal in His eyes.
But remember, if you pray to know God’s Will for your life; don’t turn away from it just because it’s not what you expected. Run after it! It may lead you into an adventure that you never dreamed possible!

Always There

Though we may stray,
He’s still there smiling down
Like wayward children
We make mistakes
But loving hands reach out,
Always there for that embrace.
His love is perfect and it’s true
Always there for me and you
God my father and my friend
Only he can understand.

A New Beginning

Sarah Hunter and Tonya Holt laughed as they drove around the twisty mountain roads towards Asheville. Dark clouds rolled over the North Carolina sky, pulling with them a threatening storm. The mood inside the car however, was warm and cheery, the girls had planned this shopping trip for weeks now and they weren’t going to let the weather stop them from going. The two friends teased each other as they carefully navigated their way toward the interstate.
“I can’t believe you actually said that to him!” Sarah told her friend, a big smile playing across her face.
“Well what was I supposed to say?”
“You could have come up with something better than, “my dog died last night.”
“Well it’s the first thing that came to me.” Tonya laughed, remembering the panicked moment.
“Well if you didn’t want to go out with him you should have told him the truth.”
“I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Besides, it’s not the first excuse I’ve given him lately. Hopefully he will get the hint and move on.”
“Tonya, you don’t even have a dog.”
Tonya laughed at the thought. “Not anymore anyway.”
Sarah shook her head and smiled. Tom had been smitten with Tonya since they were 15. It had been five years and he was still very dedicated to his quest. Sarah knew he wasn’t going anywhere.
“So how is married life? Regret your decision yet?” Tonya changed the subject.
“Oh, it’s still great. We have our moments of course, but I love being married.” Sarah smiled as she thought about her husband. Her heart swelled just thinking about him. She twisted the wedding ring on her finger and remembered when he had slipped it on her hand. Her heart beat a little faster as she thought back to their wedding day. Not even a year had gone by since she had walked down the isle towards the man she loved. Tonya had been one of her bridesmaids. Sarah smiled over at her friend.
“Don’t you ever want to get married? I remember when we used to plan every detail about our future husbands. I was sure then that you would be the first one to get married.”
“I still think about it. But God just hasn’t brought the right person along yet.”
Sarah sighed deeply and nodded to her friend. “Your right, you definitely don’t want to rush into anything. It’s better to be sure of Gods Will than to rush ahead and do your own thing.”
Tonya reached over and patted Sarah’s hand. “You sure have come along way Sarah. I’m so proud of the way you have grown in the Lord. Your life has really changed in the past few years.”
“That’s for sure. I remember when I would get so mad at you for talking about God all the time. It’s hard to believe that I am where I’m at today with the Lord.”
“I’m so happy Sarah. You’re my best friend and you have no idea what it means to me that you have given your life over the God.”
“Oh, I have a pretty good idea now.”
Sarah looked out the window at the trees flashing by the window. It had begun to rain already and droplets slid down the window in slanted streaks. A chill ran through her as she watched the flowers and tree limbs bend in the wind. She drew her arms up around her and pressed her body back against the seat. She let her mind wonder back over the past few years and everything that had happened. What would she have done without a friend like Tonya? They had grown up together and were really more like sisters than best friends.
“Oh my goodness, it’s starting to hail.”
Sarah jumped at Tonya’s serious tone, pulling herself back to the present she looked out at the small balls of hail that were thumping against the window.
“Maybe we should pull over.” Sarah suggested. “This road is awfully curvy. We may slide off or something.”
“No, it should be ok. I have new tires. Besides, there’s really no place to pull over until we get closer to the main road.”
The atmosphere in the car became tense and quite as both girls feel into silent prayer. They pushed on, trying to be careful.
“The road is getting slick. Maybe you’re right about pulling over, help me look for a driveway or something where we can pull over and wait this out. It’s getting much worse.” Tonya’s voice was shaky. Fear gripped her, draining all the heat from her body. Just then, before either girl could even utter a prayer a truck came barreling around the curve up ahead. Without having a chance to touch the brakes they collided head on. Screams filled the air but were quickly drowned out by the sound of crunching metal. Tonya released the steering wheel and grabbed for Sarah’s hand. Darkness over came her as she squeezed her friends hand and prayed, “Lord, please protect my friend.”
~ ~ ~
When Sarah awoke she felt colder than she had ever been in her life. Her rain soaked hair stuck to her face as she lifted her eyes toward Tonya in the seat next to her. Tonya sat motionless, blood streaked her face and arms but it didn’t appear to be fresh blood. Broken glass was everywhere and rain poured into the car from the broken windows, slowly, with an effort that called for all of her remaining strength, Sarah lifted her arm towards her friend. She tried to wiggle her fingers, and then realized Tonya’s hand was resting limply in her own. Sarah squeezed her fingers tighter around Tonya’s and spoke her name.
“Tonya, can you hear me? Tonya, wake up.” Her hand felt cold. But then, so did Sarah’s. Fear came over her as she began to realize what happened. They were in an accident. Yes, that’s it, she remembered the truck coming towards them, but then everything was black. She didn’t even remember feeling the impact. Reaching as far as she could with her other hand into the floor, Sarah tried to reach her purse. Grabbing it, she pulled it to her and lifted out her cell phone. The movement brought on a wavy of dizziness and fresh blood poured from somewhere on her head and ran over the phone as she tried with all her strength to keep it at her ear. Sarah could barely make out a voice on the other end.
“We have been in a car accident.” Sarah mumbled into the phone. Her speech was slurred, but she tried hard to make it clear what had happened. Sarah looked over at her friend in the drivers’ seat. “Please hurry, Tonya’s not responding.”
“Where are you mam?”
“I don’t remember.” Sarah looked out the car window at a big sign that read “Garrets Green houses next left.” Reading the sign as clearly as she could Sarah let the phone drop to the seat next to her. Her strength was gone and as she began to fade into a world of blackness a soft face with black hair and blue eyes flashed across her memory. Those eyes brought her peace as she held the picture in her mind. It was the last thing she remembered before slumping against her best friend.
~ ~ ~
Sarah’s vision blurred as she tried to open her eyes. A face looked down on her, probing her to wake up. She focused in on that face. It was the same one she had seen in the car, he was here with her. She tried to speak but he softly brushed his fingers across her lips. “Don’t talk, save your strength.” He looked away towards the opened door as if he were looking for someone.
“Scott.” Sarah could barely form the word. Her mouth was dry and her jaw felt stiff. “Where’s Tonya?”
“Shh, just lay quietly my love. I’ve rang for the doctor.” A tear ran down his cheek as he bowed his head over his wife. Emotion overcame him as he thanked his savior for bringing Sarah back to him.
Her arms were soar and stiff, but Sarah lifted her hand slowly to rest it on her husbands head. “I love you.”
Scott looked at her with a deep love in his eyes. “I love you too.”
“Please tell me. Is Tonya awake yet?”
The love in Scott’s eyes changed to sadness as he looked away. “I don’t think we should talk anymore until you’re stronger.”
Concern washed over Sarah as a single tear rolled down her cheek. “Is she with Jesus?” It was all she could manage to ask.
“Yes sweet heart, she went home.”
Sarah began to weep as Scott carefully wrapped his arms around her. “They found you leaning against her in the car. You were both holding hands so tightly they had trouble separating you.” He cried with his wife, grieving over the loss of their friend, but also because he knew how hard this would be for Sarah. He would give anything to take her pain away. “I knew the weather was supposed to be bad yesterday. If only I hadn’t let her go shopping.” He thought. “Then maybe they would have both stayed home.”
The doctor hurried into the room and quickly examined Sarah’s condition. He was full of questions for her now that she was awake, but only the most important ones could be asked now. The others could wait until Sarah was more rested. He left the couple holding each other, knowing he had done all he could for them now. The rest was only something time would heal.
The next several days were very hard for Sarah. She was released from the hospital the morning of the funeral. It was the worst day she ever remembered having.
“Tonya is in a place more wonderful than we could ever imagine.” Their pastor’s words played over in her head as she lay awake in bed that night. Scott had finally fallen asleep beside her. He had held her until he thought she had cried herself to sleep. Sarah turned her head slightly and watched the even rise and fall of his chest as a new wave of tears assaulted her. She wept silently, trying hard not to wake her husband. She tried to envision heaven and what it must be like. She tried to remember everything she had ever heard on the subject but at the moment she couldn’t remember all the glorious things she had heard or read. All she could think about was this deep sense of loss and emptiness in her heart that she could not describe. Nausea over whelmed her and she got up and hurried to the bathroom. She sat there in the floor for a long time wondering why God had taken her friend. Why did He take her and leave me behind? Sarah didn’t know how long she had sat there when she felt strong arms lift her up and she nuzzled her face into Scott’s chest. “Why?”
He carried her back to bed and held her close. “I don’t know my love. I don’t know.”
The rest of the night Sarah lay awake in her husband’s arms, remembering the last conversation she had with Tonya. If it weren’t for Tonya where would she be today? The last five years began to play out in her mind as she remembered all the Lord had brought her through. She was going to miss her friend so very much.
Over the next several months, as Sarah’s body healed she slowly began to deal with Tonya’s death. She still didn’t know why she had survived but there had to be a reason she was left behind. She wanted to find her purpose and do the best she could to fulfill that purpose. She wanted to help others like Tonya had helped her. Sarah smiled to herself as she thought of ideas. She felt hope for the first time since before the accident. She could do this. She could make it after all. Through helping others she could heal and keep Tonya’s memory alive at the same time.
“Thank you Lord, for giving me hope again.”
Sarah couldn’t wait for Scott to get home that night. She had so much to tell him. She knew he had been worried about her, but finally she was ready to move forward.

The Color of Death

Death surrounds us,
But with it brings life.
Beautiful color springs forth
As captivating fall pushes away life,
Breath stealing color turns our world into a palate of beauty.
As the fall leaves are pushed from their place high in the trees,
They dance to the ground in glorious color,
Bringing forth beauty and joy,
Nurturing the earth and bringing hope for spring to come.
Death to self brings forth new life,
Like a new believer surrendering,
Their life becoming a blazing riot of colorful hope,
The promise comes for new growth in seasons to come,
Beautiful is a life filled with Christ,
It is in the midst of this death to self that I feel full and alive.

The Disobedient Horse

Once upon a time there was a little horse that lived with her mother in a big pasture and her name was Abby. Abby loved to run and play and kick up her heels. She ran and played so much that her mother had trouble keeping up with her.
“You better not go too far.” Abby's mother warned her. “Please stay where I can see you.” But Abby didn't listen. She was tired of staying so close to her mother. She wanted to see what was on the other side of the fence. It seemed so exciting over there and Abby was ready for an adventure.
One day, while her mother was taking a nap, Abby snuck away and squeezed thru the fence. Abby looked back to see if her mother had seen her, but she was still sleeping. “I made it!” She said, as she trotted down the road.
It was so exciting to be out on her own with no one to tell her what to do or where to go. She felt so free! She found a nice field where she had lunch and a cool stream where she had a nice long drink. Then she began her journey again. She traveled on down the road and saw lots of neat sights. Cars whizzed by and birds sang songs.
Soon it started to get dark. Abby began to look for a place to eat supper, but there was nothing to eat. She was getting so thirsty, but there was nothing to drink. The cars whizzing past were scaring her now and Abby was getting lost! She wanted to go home to her mother but didn't know the way.
Just then a farmer came by and found Abby near the road. She was so relieved when he gently spoke to her and told her he would take her home. He led the way and soon he was settling her into a nice stall. The old farmer wasn't looking well and he forgot to feed Abby.
“I’m so hungry.” She said, as she lay down in the corner of the Stall.
“Don't worry.”
“Who said that?” Abby stood up and looked around.
“I did.” A little squirrel sat on the edge of the window to Abby's stall.
“Who are you?” She asked.
“I’m Chester, who are you?”
“I am Abby. And I’m so hungry. The farmer forgot to feed me.”
“He didn't forget. There is a caretaker who comes to feed the horses, but he is a mean man and doesn't always come.”
“I miss my mother too.” Abby explained. “I ran away and now I wish I had listened to my mother. She was right about how scary the world can be on my own.”
“You can pray and God will help you.” Chester suggested.
“Pray? What's that?'” Abby had never prayed to God before and she didn't know how.
“Well, you know God right?”
“Yes, my mother told me how God sent his only Son, Jesus, to the earth and he died for our sins then rose from the dead. She said it was because he loves us so much that he did it to save us from our sins. Now everyone that believes in him will go to heaven with Jesus.”
“That's right, but he also wants to be our friend. Just like when we asked him to save us and take us to heaven, we can pray and ask for guidance, or help, or just when we are lonely and need a friend.”
“Well, how do I do that?”
“Just talk to him like we are talking now and have faith that he will hear and answer your prayer.”
“What is faith?”
“Faith is when you believe in something that you can’t see.”
“Like God.”
“Exactly, you can't see God, but we know he is there by the evidence we see or feel.”
“Like when the tall grass sways in the breeze?”
“Yes! You’ve got it now.”
“Okay, I will pray that God will get me out of here and help me get home.” Abby went to sleep that night praying to get home.
The next morning Chester had collected some grass for her to eat.
“Thank you!” She told him.
“See, God has already answered one of your prayers.”
As the days passed Abby kept praying. Chester continued to bring some grass, but it wasn't enough to keep her full. She had lost a lot of weight and wasn't feeling as good as she used to. But Abby kept praying. She kept having faith, believing that God would help her get home.
One day as she stood in her stall and talked to Chester, a little girl came and looked in Abby's stall. She looked so kind when she smiled and Abby liked her instantly. The little girl liked Abby too and she hurried in the stall and gave her a big hug.
“This is the one I want daddy!” The girl said. “She looks like she needs to be loved.”
Abby was happy to be leaving the stall. She waved goodbye to Chester and followed her new friend to the trailer outside.
Soon they were pulling into her new home. Abby was surprised to see her new home was right next to the pasture where her mother lived. She hurried over to the fence and nuzzled her nose with her mothers.
“Let me tell you all about my adventure and how I learned that you were right all along. But I prayed to God and he answered my prayer. Now I have a new friend.” Abby looked back at the little girl running towards her. “I think we will be friends forever.” She told her mother.
Abby was happy she had prayed for Gods help and that she had faith.

The Little Monkeys Find Forgiveness

Once upon a time there was a family of monkeys who lived deep in the jungle of South America. But this family was different from any ordinary family. There was a daddy monkey and two young monkeys, Maya and Manny. They didn't have a mother.
Now the daddy monkey was always busy collecting food or finding safe places to take Maya and Manny. And the little monkeys felt very lonely. They wanted their daddy's attention so badly that they did awful things to each other and to their friends. They never wanted to take a bath or help with the cleaning. They told lies and didn't do their homework.
"One day I am going to run away and never come home." Maya told Manny.
"Well that's fine with me. I get tired of you being here, you are always in my way.” Said Manny.
"Do you think our daddy would come and look for me?" Maya asked.
"NO, I don't think he would really notice you were gone." Manny replied.
Just then a beautiful parrot flew out of the jungles’ canopy and landed next to the little monkeys.
"I couldn't help overhearing your conversation.” The parrot told them. “And I want to tell you a story that I heard in a nearby village.”
The parrot stretched his colorful wings and settled in more comfortably. Maya and Manny huddled closer, curious to hear what the parrot would say.
"A stranger came to the village near the river and told the people there about a man who loved them so much that he would wash all their sins away." The parrot told them.
Maya and Manny remembered all the bad things they had done to each other and to their friends. They kept listening as the parrot continued.
"This was the same man who had created the whole earth and all of the living creatures. He was the only true and living God; and his name was Jesus."
Maya and Manny were fascinated. "Tell us more." They said.
"Well, this man Jesus knew that the people would never accept him unless he was in the form of a man, so he came as a baby and grew and did many wonderful things. He loved the people so much that he wanted them all to spend eternity with him in heaven. So he died on the cross; taking all the sins upon himself, then in three days he rose from the dead!"
Maya and Manny were so excited. "How can Jesus forgive our sins?"
“All you have to do is believe in Jesus and ask him to forgive you and he will.”
“Let’s ask him right now!” The little monkeys prayed and asked Jesus to forgive them of all their sins and they told him that they believed in him and wanted to love him as much as he loved them. Then the parrot told the little monkeys one more thing.
"I have been watching from high above when I fly around the jungle and I have seen that your family is different than many other monkeys. You will have to work hard to help each other and you need to know that your daddy loves you so much that he goes out and finds food to take care of you. Just because someone you love isn’t always there doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Sometimes being apart only makes love stronger. You need to work together as a team and ask Jesus to help you.”
The little monkeys thanked the parrot and then waited for their daddy to come home. They were excited about asking his forgiveness and to tell him about Jesus also.

Surrender

Katie Holden sat looking out the airplanes tiny window, watching the earth go by underneath her. Her heart felt unbearably torn into two extremes. Excitement griped her spirit, but a deep sadness and a fear of the unknown seemed to beat out that excitement. She fought the fist that tightened in her stomach as she remembered the look on her father’s face as they embraced for the last time. She still felt the warm tears fresh on her mother’s cheek as she pressed it against her own. Would she ever see them again?
They had waved good-bye at the airport, promising to visit in two years. Katie knew however, that some missionary’s never came off the field for up to 10, even 20 years. Sometimes they never came home again. The threat of losing their established ministries if they left for any period of time, kept them working faithfully in their new homes.
Katie had surrendered her life to do God’s will long ago. Whatever that may be, she would do it with her whole heart, never looking back. “Is it looking back to just remember and think about what we left behind?” She thought as she looked down at her sleeping daughter. Charity lay awkwardly across the seat, resting her sweet head on her mothers lap. “What will it be like for my girls?” She thought for the millionth time about their two little daughters. Closing her eyes Katie remembered the drive they took that morning down her parents long drive way. She had watched her horses running along in front of the car, their majestic manes floating behind them. It was as if they were giving their family a special escort, to say good-bye.
A tear escaped and rolled down Katie’s cheek. She wiped it away quickly, not wanting her husband to see she was upset. He hated to see her cry. She reached for his hand and he looked down at her.
“Are you ok?” Morgan asked his wife. He reached to push her brown hair from her small face.
“I’m fine.” She said. “I’m just feeling a little apprehensive and a bit home sick already.”
Katie relaxed as she leaned against Morgan’s chest. She studied how much darker his skin tone was than hers. She had always had such fair skin. “Will I ever get any sun again in Alaska?” She smiled at the thought and looked up at her husband. His short black hair was hidden under his ball cap and his hazel eyes were closed. “Thank you Lord for my husband.” She prayed silently. “Thank you for calling us to serve you as missionary’s in Alaska. I know you will protect us and give us wisdom. Be with our family back home and keep them safe. Thank you for the communication we will still have with them, and whether or not we ever see them again in this life, thank you that we are promised forever, together in eternity.”
The stewardess came by with a blanket for each of the sleeping girls. “Your little ones are so sweet. What are their names?” She asked interrupting Katie’s silent prayers.
“This is Charity, and the little one in her daddy’s arms is Faith.”
“They’re both adorable. If they wake up and need anything let me know.”
“I will, and thank you.” Katie rested her head back on her husband’s strong chest. Moving her hand from Charity’s back she gently touched her abdomen. There would be one more little one soon. She had to think of the right time to tell Morgan. She had purposely not told anyone yet. She knew it would make it harder on everyone when it came time to leave, so Katie had kept her precious little secret. Morgan would have worried about her even more than he already did. She knew he had concerns about how she and the girls would handle the tough conditions in Alaska, but she was ready.
Katie had only been to Alaska once. Morgan had been several times, but both had fallen in love with the people and the land. They had been exited when they first started feeling Gods call to go there. Closing her eyes, Katie resumed her private talk with her Lord. She finally began to relax and let the excitement of this adventure that lie ahead of her take hold and grow.
~~~~~
Several hours later Morgan led his family through the airport in Fairbanks, Alaska. After collecting their luggage they made their way out to the curbside to wait for their ride.
“Hello! Morgan!”
Morgan looked towards the shouting man hurrying toward them. “Hello Nathan. It’s so good to see you!”
“Welcome home friends, welcome home.” The exited little man hugged each one of them and hurriedly started grabbing their luggage. “We are so happy that you are here. Finally, we have a pastor to lead our church, and my wife will have someone to help lead the ladies meetings, and we will start a youth program for all ages.” Nathan rambled on and on, barely stopping for breath as he closed the trunk of his van and started towards the missionary’s new home.
~~~~~
Katie sat on the edge of the bed meant for her and Morgan. All of a sudden she didn’t think she had the strength to stand any longer. In fact, she didn’t know how she had made it this long. “Only with God’s loving help.” She thought.
“You look pale, Are you sure you’re feeling ok?” Morgan sat next to his wife on the bed and pulled her close to him. She snuggled against him, thankful for the rush of peace that flooded through her as she rested in his arms.
“I was hoping to find a more appropriate time to tell you this.” She said looking up at him.
Concerned, he pulled away and held her out so he could see her face. “What’s wrong?” His voice was urgent and filled with all the worry he had held inside for her since they had first surrendered.
“It’s not that bad.” She said smiling. Cupping his face in her hands she kissed him softly. “It’s just morning sickness.”
A long silence followed as Morgan processed what his wife had just said. “You’re pregnant?” A smile slowly crossed his face as she nodded. He pulled her against him and kissed her soundly, then just as quickly pushed her away again. “When is the baby due?”
“December, hopefully around Christmas. Won’t that be a wonderful Christmas gift?”
“But, what about the snow? What if I can’t get you to the hospital? What if something goes wrong?” The concern was back in his voice as he suddenly realized they were over an hour from the nearest hospital.
“Don’t worry so much.” Katie put her hand over his lips. “You are always telling me that God will provide for us. He will always be here to help us through whatever comes our way. God knew I would be pregnant when He called us to Alaska and He knows when the baby is coming and what the weather will be like. God already knows what will happen. Our lives and our hope are in Him.”
“My beautiful wife.” Morgan kissed her hand and laid it on his cheek. “What would I do without you?”
“Not have as many things to worry about.” She teased, smiling at the man she loved so much. “I’ve already been thinking of names.”
“You have huh.”
“Yep, but I want to find out of it’s a girl or a boy before we decide.”
“Well I think it’s going to be another girl, and I think you have already named her.”
“Don’t do that, what if it’s a boy?”
“Then we will have to think of something else, but for now you have already named her.” “Well if you are so convinced of that please tell me.” Katie giggled, enjoying their game. She loved these moments with her husband after the girls were in bed. It’s when she felt closest to him.
“Hope. You said it your self, our hope is in Jesus. So we will call her Hope. Now we will have Charity, Faith and Hope.”
Katie smiled at the names. She liked the way they sounded coming from Morgan’s deep voice. “I like it.” She curled up next to him and he carefully laid his hand on her abdomen.
“I’m so happy Katie. God is so good.”
“Yes He is.” Katie answered. She relaxed, knowing that everything was going to be alright.
To tired even to change clothes they fell asleep in each others arms, basking in the goodness of God.